I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
