yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
