My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
