How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
