GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
