whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
