I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
