He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
