It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
