You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
