What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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