Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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