I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
