Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
