I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
