Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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