Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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