we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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