woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
