gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were trust falling into bushes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
