I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
