what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
