My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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