first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
