Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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