i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
