How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
