I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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