and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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