Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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