I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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