Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
