and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize