My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
