Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
