I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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