You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I believe in your delicious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We smell like vodka and hangover
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