hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
