i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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