my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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