I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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