it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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