Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have post one night stand depression
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
