Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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