Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
