I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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