What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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