I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The air taste purple.
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