You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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