dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
