i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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