At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
