Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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