Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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