my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
