suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Pants are for mortals
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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