Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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