Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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