do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
