hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
