The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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