Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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